The Abs Views

Volume 1

Abs Is What You Need

September 1999
Is Parking an Issue?
Matty House residents quarrel over parking
Joey Abs The Grenage Times

Here is the scoop of what is going on here. I live at a place called Matty House. Now this house consists of a bunch of guys who don't want the headache of living off campus, but also don't want the headache of living with idiots on campus. It has been a pretty nice place to live so far. Everyone seems to be getting a long with everyone else. However, there has been one

I respect people as long as they respect me, but if they want to play, I'll play.

Willie Green, Resident

particular problem that keeps coming up and it's parking. Well we Matty House boys don't feel it is a problem, but others beg to differ.

Inside This Issue

Is parking really an issue?

What is the reason for not usuing a directional?

Has wrestling changed the world?

Weekly Bob siting.

This weeks Top Ten.

Event calendar.

What time is it?
   

continued on page 3
Nice Blinker!
Is it that hard to use a directional signal?

W.J. Saco Press

It has been a growning problem that i feel

isn't ever going to end. Why can't people use theirdamn directional signals when they are turning. Is it a hard thing to do, does it burn your hand when you try, will it kill you to be courteous to others, or do you just plain not want to?

continued on page 3

 

Has wrestling changed the world?
Chyna's road to victory.

Joey Abs The Grenage Times

There has been a rising star in the World Wrestling Federation. However, this star is much different then you would expect. This star isn't a steriod using tough guy; it's a woman whose name is Chyna.

It is hard to believe that this is the face of the FIRST woman in history to go through wrestling school. This hot mamma was kicking the ass of man men while I was learning geography.

"Chyna is the most intense wrestler that I have ever seen."

Matt Waterman, Dedicated Fan
It is hard to believe that this semi attractive woman can totally wreck your face. Many wrestling fans will have to agree. "Chyna is the most intense wrestler that I have ever seen," says Matt Waterman a dedicated fan. "She isn't afraid of anyone or anything." I will have to agree with Matt.

 

continued from page 1

See the problem is this here, laziness. We have this teacher whom teaches a class in the bottom of Matty House. Now she likes to park right near the door because a 10-foot walk is just too much for her to handle. So one day someone just happen to park in her sopt. Well that was it I tell you. She went right to security and now we have these beautiful orange NO PARKING signs up all around the building. Yet, she still seems to park there.

So aside of laziness, there is truly a lack of respect here. Now, I dont mind that she doesn't want us parking in her spot, but going to security isn't the solution. That just makes me mad. "I respect people as long as they respect me, but if they want to play, I'll play." Says Willie Green, a resident of Matty House.

Things I don't Like

  1. Lack of directional signal.
  2. People who have 1000 coupons.
  3. People who like to tell their life stories in the middle of a staircase.
  4. "Ambulance" written backwards on the front of one. If you don't know what it is, you should be in one.
  5. People who belch out loud.
  6. People who don't flush.
  7. People that don't take credit when they let one rip.
  8. Pete Gas.
  9. That damn Timex commercial.
  10. Rain.

 

continued from page 1

I can't tell you how many times I would have been in accidents because of people who don't like usuing their blinkers. I just feel that it is such an easy thing to do. I have found that it is truely a Vermont thing. I live in Maine and the majority of people use their blinkers there. Do you know why? It's out of respect. However, I come back here to school and I wonder where these people took driving lessons. It is not a horse and buggy we are driving here anymore folks, it is an AUTOMOBILE! So i ask you to please use your directional signal when turning off a road. Just have some respect.

Week of 9/13

Bob spent much of his days just hanging around the newsroom. We may ask why, for he isn't even majoring in News.

 

 

Mon 9/13

Observed. Raw is War Day

 Tues 9/14

Learn how to Petagree in ATT @ 1:30 PM

 Wed 9/15

Annual Street Brawl 121 North Main St.

 Thurs 9/16

Observed. Smackdown Day

 Fri 9/17

Van Halen Live! The Phat Cat @ 9 PM
Sat 9/18

All you can't eat @ Stevens Dining Hall all day

 Sun 9/19

Take a day off.

 Mon 9/20

Observed. Raw is War Day

 Tues 9/21

Learn how to cut classes in ATT @ 1:30 PM

 Wed 9/22

Learn how to make a web site in ACT 420 @ 2PM

 

  • More on our Chyna coverage
  • Exclusive interview with our own Pete Gas
  • Are we alone in this world?
  • Learn how to eat right with Willie Green
  • Annual Street Brawl coverage
  • More about Bob

Abs says that it is time for you to go read a book

 

© 1999 Joey Abs Production. All rights reserved